Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
