you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
