So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
