oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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