remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
How does one acquire holy water?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
