how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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