Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
