I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
