i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
