What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
