is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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