I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
