hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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