Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
