yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
