i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
