Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
