you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
