So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
