Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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