The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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