His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
