Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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