Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
