Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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