No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
