The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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