There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize