Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
