hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
