i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
