do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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