if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
