I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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