Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
NoShamevember. You game?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
