Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
