Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
