I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
