He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
im holly from the hills drunk
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
