i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
