I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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