i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
