Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
