4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
