she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
