Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
