i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
