the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
