you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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