Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
