i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
3pm strippers are depressing
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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